[[How has been]]

Saturday, February 22, 2025

[[]]

I feel like writing something.

I feel like I have written about this before, many times, under many names.

But it is basically this idea that there are two selves in me and presumably in most people. Sometimes I feel like im a totally different person for a short while. And then I strive to get what this self wants. And then the other self takes over. And it is abandoned? And the aims change again. And it is like, contradictory aims, even if not directly, in large part. So its like self sabotaging when the selves change and change.

Then there is the interpretive lens on the selves. Under the current zeitgeist, the thinking would be that all selves are part of your real selves and should have appropriate representation or something similar to that.

Under the older way of thinking, like in religion, some self is more to be cultivate than other selves. And in fact other selves are evil and to be detested, treated cruelly and ultimately destroyed.

But no one every hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it. Especially when it is in control. Truly such a woe. At some times it is nourished and cherished, at other times it is despised and destroyed. And thus it... grows? or shrinks? at a very awkward cadence.

[[I wrote this at]]*|1:00 PM|

Sunday, February 2, 2025

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Yknow its much easier to deal with symptoms than the root cause...

There are some actions that seemed ingrained to certain memories. Like say doing certain exercise until failure.

You reckon you can hit the root cause by plowing through all the symptoms? Or is there a qualitative difference that requires a different kind of solution?

[[I wrote this at]]*|3:50 PM|

Friday, January 31, 2025

[[]]

I just finished JJK both season 1 and 2.

I thought season 1 was not bad... but season 2 sucked. Gave me later seasons of 7 deadly sins vibes. Where just a bunch of people fighting each other.

Seriously... I think a fight shouldn't be more than half an episode. It really isn't that interesting how ever many flashbacks and/or new skills the characters find.

And it wasn't even like properly fleshed out. Like... later seasons of 7 deadly sins you still roughly know what is going on because ok nice finale everyone come back for last hurrah. Here is like the backstory is incomplete, theres not enough content to have so much fighting.

Okay. I can't watch anime. I'm a binger. Sigh. Why am I like this. This is why I can't have nice things. I abuse them and then I have to discard them before I am abused too much by them.

What a life, what a life.

Sometimes I wonder is it mental fog, or spiritual fog. Or maybe just plain tiredness. Or by frying the brain.

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:43 PM|

Wednesday, January 29, 2025

[[Frieren takeaways]]

1. It would be very fun to live a very long life and pursue whimsical projects

2. Much of life is lead due to death lurking in the background.

I really like the idea of visiting an old friend after a hundred years or so, and spend like 5 years together. Man that sounds so fun. It's like the kind of life i would want to lead. Everyone on their on projects, but you see someone who you think, yknow, will lead interesting lives. Then you catch up and update on the new ideas / perspectives. Wow. So fun so fun. I suppose there is an idea of friends or people you are close to having parts of you. So fun to revisit those parts.

I also really like the idea of being able to take your time and detour. I am frenetic at times due to death coming. Therefore there is need to optimise. If there is no death, there is no need to optimise. Or rather, optimisation will look very different because it is a very different game with very different aims. It moves from a finite game to an infinite game.

Sigh, i don't like finite games. Not because I'm bad at them, but cos i tunnel and try to win them. And it isn't actually that fun. I mean, it is fun, but not in the holistic way of fun.

I would love to be very generous with my time. But I don't have a lot of time. I think being curious would be so fun with so much time. Because you can put off decisions forever.

I also think that the elves/bible have it right. That there would be very little need to marry and reproduce if you live forever. Companionship yes, but like yknow, all the rest, whats the rush?

I would also love to become super powerful through vast accumulation of knowledge and hard work.

I would also like to create. So fun when you can create forever!! Now there is like, no certainty that something good will be created prior to death and there are a million other things that are more optimal to do before death. Than say, paint a nice painting. Like tell people the gospel.

Ah eternity sounds so fun.

[[I wrote this at]]*|6:15 PM|

Saturday, January 18, 2025

[[]]

You know, sometimes when you watch really talented people perform. Or a good piece of art. There is something in the beauty that just strikes you and makes you happy. Like a weird non-me centered happy. Like a non-achievement centered happy. Just happy in. Rather than happy for.

It is nice. I would like to do some more of that.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:40 PM|

Thursday, January 16, 2025

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If loving is letting go. Then... that's weird. That can't be it? Or can it?

Very interesting new perspectives then on what is easy to let go and what is hard.

Well it could be that loving is letting go. But there are other things that are also letting go.

Like can't be arsed.

If loving is letting go, though, not letting go, is definitely not loving.

Hmmmm. Wow I am teaching logic class here.

But maybe loving is letting go is just false. Loving could be just being possessive no? Or by definition loving cannot be possessive and must be pure and all that wanting the best.

In which case, letting go doesnt say jack shit about loving and loving about letting go.

But oh no, bible says whoever does not love does not know God.

Well presumably that is conflating different definitions of love.

[[I wrote this at]]*|12:18 AM|

Sunday, January 12, 2025

[[]]

Do you reckon that prayer could be just a person talking about ownself in a more disassociated way through thinking he is talking to God? And that this has lots of positive benefits in terms of reflecting and pausing and rationalising such that the person acts in a better way thereafter and thus prayer is useful / helpful?

Or it could be useful and helpful to talk to the almighty and all powerful God who wants to listen to prayers.

[[I wrote this at]]*|12:25 AM|